Just a Joke
by Mary Tyler-Moore
Summary: We've all seen it. The meme of Fred and George asking Hermione which one of them she likes. Really the twins meant it as a joke. None of the three took it seriously. But what happens when Fred decides that he wishes that is was more than a joke, for the first time in his life. Review? :D And check out some of my other stories
1. So Which One of Us Is It?

Chapter One

Just a Joke

What a wonderfully uneventful day! Hermione sat at her desk as usual. But today instead of putting her nose to the desk crunching numbers, she was pushing off work. Work that she really did not want to do. Not that working in the Twin's joke shop dull. In fact usual it was the opposite. It was just that she had a terrible date the night before and she had kind of been counting on the twins to bring her up. And they weren't here. Besides she was just not in the mood for crunching numbers, and checking inventory, or going over the product testing past year had been such a boost, aside from her dating life. And if you had asked her last year what she was going to be doing for a living, she wouldn't have guessed this. But she really did enjoy her job. Just not today. Today was a day for distracting herself from work and her love life. Today was a day for doodling.

Her quill gliding lazily across a spare bit of parchment. She doodle quit a bit. It was a way for her to clear her mind. sometimes she would draw flowers or sometimes just lines. But today she was just writing her name in different ways. Cursive, block letters, bubble letters, Hermione Jean Granger, Hermione J. Granger, Hermione Jean, H.J. Granger, Hermione, Hermione Potter (Weird. she scribbled that one out), Hermione Malfoy (that one was weird. Definitely not a match. Scratched out.) Hermione Weasley.

"Hmmmm, what do you think Forge?"

"I don't know could be either one of us, Gred"

Hermione jumped. She looked up and saw the twins looking at her. Smiling. Impishly. Where had they come from? I mean it was their shop, but they had ignored her practically all day!

"What are you two talking about? And what are you doing here?"

Fred looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Her words hurt me, Forge."

"Shh shhh. It's okay. I know it hurts."

"Really guys, aren't you both supposed to be up front?"

"It's lunch time 'Mione! Shops closed for an hour,"replied Fred.

"Oh! I hadn't realized." She had lost track of time. That tended to happen when she was lost in thought. Hermione stopped caring about her surroundings.

"Seems as though you were lost in thought. Weren't you, Hermione?" asked George.

"I don't know what you are talking about!" she said. Even though she knew that they wouldn't fire her for goofing off, she still felt bad about not working. And she didn't want them to know that she had been distracted.

"She must be playing dumb. Yeah Gred? I mean, she is the smartest witch of her year."

"Indeed, one so smart really would know what we were talking about. So she couldn't actually be this dumb."

"Honestly! Would you two just come out with what your saying. You are more adept at jokes than riddles."

George laughed. "Awww, but we have you stumped. So we must be good at them"

"Though she does think we are adept at jokes, Forge." said Fred spitting out the word "adept" because it felt weird coming out of his mouth.

"Indeed she does, Gred. I suppose we could help her out."

"Especially if she thinks so highly of our humor."

Fred pointed to her doodles. Specifically to the one spelling out her name matched to the their surname. Hermione's face grew bright red.  
The twins laughed at her response.

"So, Hermione, Darling! You can't leave us in the lurch."

"Gred is quite right! We must know your heart!"

Hermione looked at the twins, their eyes full of amusement. "I.. I don't know it was just a doodle. I was about to scratch it out."

"Pish posh, 'Mione," cried Fred, "Doodles reveal your inner desires you know! Trust me. I have studied the female mind at great length."

"Sooo, which one of us is it?" added George.

Hermione laughed out right. "You do know how big your family is, right?" seeing that they were just teasing, she decided to play along. "I could want to marry any one of your siblings."

The twins grinned at her. "But, you see we figured it out."

"It has to be one of us."

Fred got up and sat on the table so he could better elaborate. "You see, it's not Ginny because you don't like girls."

"Or does she, Gred?"

"That would change everything. Wouldn't Forge!"

Hermione put her hand over Georges mouth."No don't answer that. You're right! I'm not a lesbian. But that's only one person off the list."

"Not a lesbian. Good to know."

"Because you know we weren't quite sure on that one," said Fred. Which of course deserved a smack that Hermione gave most willingly.

"Right but you're right we still have three more don't we."

"Well, get on with it Gred!"

Hermione looked at George curiously," What can't come up with any good reasons, yourself? Why don't you just tell me yourself? Do you need the 'better twin' to help you out?"

Fred's grin widened, "Better twin? Did you hear that I'm superior to you. I'm the one"

"You are not!" declared Hermione. "Didn't you see the air quotes?"

"Haha victory is mine! I am the twin she loves, Gred!"

"Nonsense I haven't admitted to that in the slightest. Besides you still have a list to get through. Or as previously asked can you not come up with anything?"

George hid behind his hands, "It's not that at all. I just want Fred to speak because I'm shy and afraid of public speaking."

"You are not!" laughed Hermione.

"Fine maybe not. But I'm better at articulating our thoughts," said Fred.

"When in the hell do you use pansy-ass words like articulate?" laughed George.

"Well it is the brightest witch of our age, yeah? I need to use my extensive vocabulary," said Fred in a condescending tone.

"Right well, professor get on with our reasons!"

"Right!, well, where were we? Ahh yes not a lesbian," he said pointing to Hermione. "Well on to Charlie and Bill. You've only ever been around Charlie like twice. So you can't very well be all goo goo crazy lovey eyes at himcan you? You don't have a clue who he is. Unless you like him for his body?"

"Ugh Hermione! Why do you have to love men for their physical appearance!"

"We, men are more than just your eye candy!"

"We have feelings and emotions!"

"You can't treat us with this level of disrespect!"

Hermione rolled her eyes."You know very well, I'm not that way. What about Bill? Oh he's married!"

"Bing. Ten points for Ms. Granger!"

"Okay okay! Come on! On with the list!"

"Right-O. We are left with ickley Ronniekins, Percy the Prat, and us."

Both twins leaned in at "us" and smiled charmingly for Hermione.

"Anyway! It's not Percy. Because as previously mentioned, he's a prat," said Fred.

"And an arse,"added George.

"And a tool!"

"And a fool!"

"Hey, that rhymed!" they said in unison.

Hermione looked at the two with faux exasperation. Really that's what she loved about being around the twins. They made her laugh and not worry. Harry and Ron were never like this, "Okay Lords Byron and Tennyson, keep moving," she said. And at the twins confused looks, "They are muggle poets. Keep going. I want to know who I am not love with."

"Right! Well, it's not Ron because you have good taste," continued Fred.

"Or is it? If it is than you're insane."

"And you need immediate psychiatric care."

"But as it is, you are not insane. At least you don't seem to be."

"So since you do not seem to be insane, that leaves me and George."

"Sooooooo, Which one of us is it?" they asked together.

"Well, as previously mentioned. I was just doodling. But if we are going on with this charade, you'll want me to choose right?"

"Of course!"

Hermione suddenly did a great impression of the twins infamous grin, "Well then you'll just have to prove who deserves my love than won't you?

"Competition! Excellant!" exclaimed the twins.


	2. The Pink Goo Fiasco

Chapter Two

The Pink Goo Fiasco

Steam rose up from Hermione's cup of tea. The tea was much too hot for Hermione drink. At least not yet. Instead she just put her tea down on the bistro table and looked at the door of the coffee shop, waiting for the twins to arrive. Hermione needed to tell them about her terribly long and arduous day. And it all had to do with pink goo.

One of Hermione's duties as the Twin's employee was to go around and talk to suppliers about orders. This involved placing orders for various products and ingredients, and of course trying and to get them to lower their prices. Today had been a particularly rough day. One of the ingredient suppliers, Roland Edgecomb, had gotten it into his head that he was an inventor. Which would be fine except that Roland was not the quickest snitch in the lot. Roland had been attempting to create a type of magical bubblegum that cemented the chewers mouth shut. Not only was it a and ill-conceived and dangerous idea, but it had not been properly executed. So, when Roland was showing Hermione the brew, she ended up doused in a sticky pink gunk. Roland was properly ashamed. So much so that Hermione was fairly positive he would not be "inventing" any time soon.

Thankfully, the damage was not bad, and Hermione was able to clear off all the gunk from her clothes using a relatively simple spell. However, the combination of the stickiness of the gum and the bushiness of her hair seemed to make it impossible for the pink stuff to get off her head. At least not without great effort. But fate seemed to be on her side, because Ginny had just gotten Hermione a bottle of Sleakeazy's Hair Potion as a gift. Hermione had made an off hand comment about how nice her hair had been at the Yule ball 9 years ago. The Golden Trio had been reminiscing about their escapades at Hogwarts while going through a photo album. Only the friends of Harry Potter would call defeating numerous dark forms of magic escapades.

The potion made it very easy to get the goo out. And it also had the pleasant side effect of smooth hair. Hermione had grown to love her wild untamed hair. But she had to admit that having sleek hair was quite nice. Not being used to straight hair, she found her self absent-mindly playing with her hair. It was so smooth. The sensation of running her fingers through the glossy hair was a pleasant one. One that she wouldn't mind being able to experience daily. If only the it was not so difficult to do. Maybe, she would do it every once in a while though. Her hair was much tamer than her days at Hogwarts. So it would last much longer than a day, which made the work much more worth it.

While Hermione contemplated her hair, the Twins arrived. The place was so crowded, that Fred went straight in line to order their drinks, while George searched for Hermione. George could not seem to spot her until she realized that they had arrived and waved him over.

George couldn't believe his eyes, "Hermione! What's with the new hair? You know you don't have to impress me anymore!"

"Oh please George! You know that this couldn't possibly be for you! You know that Percy holds the key to my heart," teased Hermione.

"Can't blame a bloke for hoping!" laughed George, "Listen, it's crowded in here. You think we could get on the move for this 'business' meeting?"

Hermione didn't have a problem with that, so they started to maneuver their way through the crowd. George used the coin from the DA to let Fred know what the plan was. "Too crowded. Meeting Hermione outside." The coin was the Twin's favorite gadget. Fred often said that if they could produce a product that was half as useful, they would be so rich that they would never have to even think again. They didn't just want to take all of Hermione's hard work, because they wanted to figure out how to do the spell themselves. Hermione told them that she would tell it to them. But they refused. It was a challenge that they wanted to overcome. They said that when they did, she would be getting 50% of the profit from it.

"But what did prompt this sudden change? Is there a chap who needs a talking to?" asked George as they got outside.

Hermione laughed, "Unfortunately not at the moment. No, this sudden development is because good old Roland decided to try his hand at inventing."

"Oh Merlin! What was it this time?"

"WAIT," exclaimed Hermione, "You knew about his ideas of grandeur? Why didn't you warn me?"

"Well, we thought that he was finally done with all of this. Last time he tried inventing, he burned off his eyebrows."

"I can assure you that this was much worse. At least for me it was. He was trying to make some kind of bubble gum. And he was trying to convince me to buy it by demonstrating how he made it. And it exploded. Sleakeazy's was the only way to get it out of my hair."

George winced, "Well at least it looks great? I'm sorry about all that. I know it mustn't have been fun cleaning all that out."

"No, but I do like the outcome," replied Hermione, "Really, George you don't have to worry about this. It isn't your fault at all."

"You sure?"

"Yes! I'm positive!"

That was something that Hermione liked about the Twins. Though they were pranksters and they enjoyed teasing everyone to death, they really did care. They were both very protective of Hermione. Something she appreciated. Even though it was evident that she could take care of herself, it was still nice having someone look out for her. The Twins would both rather die than let something bad happen to Hermione. So when George didn't look convinced, Hermione added,

"Really! I'm even considering using Sleakeazy's more often. I really like the way my hair looks and feels. Plus it's longer!"

"Okay. I believe you!" replied a satisfied George, "You think you'll use that everyday?"

"Nah. Too much work for everyday. But once in a while, I think I will."

"Well, let me tell you! You're making me want to find out who has your heart even more! It's been a week! Surely you've mad your decision."

Hermione laughed remembering the past week. It had been filled with chocolates suddenly appearing out of nowhere and cheesy love poems being recited by enchanted books. Fred had even conjured up little cupids that followed Hermione around all day saying things like, "Pick Fred!" "Fred is much more handsome than George!" "George has bad morning breath!"It had been a very distracting and eventful week. The past few days did quiet down though, because the Hermione had been out doing meetings. She hadn't really been able to give it much thought.

"You must realize, George, that my heart is not easily won. Chocolates and dancing cupids don't do much!"

"Yes. You're definitely a challenge, Granger. But a challenge I shall overcome." laughed George, "You couldn't possible choose my brother. Not when there is this perfection before you!"

"Speaking of your brother where is he? It's been forever!"

"I'm sure he'll be here soon."

**"**Really? I think he'll be much longer," said Fred. Then he noticed that the bird he thought that George was talking up was Hermione. "Blimey Hermione! I didn't know it was you."

Hermione squinted her eyes, giving Fred a suspicious look, "Well who did you think I was then? Some random chick your brother was picking up?"

"Something along those lines, yes. In fact now I'm a bit disappointed. I was hoping if he did pick up a new bird, then you'd be mine for the taking. After all this competition has gone on far too long. And I am clearly the winner!"

"I don't know..."

Fred looked at her in awe, "It took me ages to to charm that cupid doll to do all that! That was a tricky bit of magic!"

"That is true. It was quite impressive," agreed Hermione. But only because she knew how George would react.

"Now hang on a moment! I enchanted those books to follow you about! You love books Hermione!"

Hermione laughed at George's reaction. "That's also true. Fred have a rebuttal?"

"Well, I think we should take you out proper? Huh? See who is better dating material?"

Hermione couldn't believe it. She hadn't expected that at all. But before she could say anything, the twins had already shaken hands on the matter and were planning the rules out.

"Nothing sexual," started Fred, "I wouldn't want to completely ruin your chances, Forge."

"Very funny, Gred. Besides we wouldn't want to ruin the friendship."

"Right. Okay. Travel limited to Britain?"

"Seems fair. This also should be treated seriously? Like a real date? Nothing fruity or over the top like the past week?"

"Yeah that seems fair. Hermione are you all right with this?"

"I suppose... I just have one question?"

Both twins said, "Yeah"

"Who's up first?"


End file.
